Rayni and Tommy Gray

Rayni and Tommy Gray of Kerrville faced one of the most difficult situations parents can face—the loss of a child—and came through it with a stronger marriage and commitment to parenthood.

“The loss of our son Jackson made our marriage stronger,” said Rayni.  “We were told that some couples don’t survive this type of loss, but our marriage is incredible.”

Rayni was pregnant during COVID-19 and delivered her son on November 24, 2020, at 37 weeks. She had an emergency C-section after doctors found that the baby had a slow heartbeat; the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice.

Rayni and Tommy lost Jackson three months later to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which is diagnosed when there is a sudden death of an infant younger than one year of age with unknown cause. “The night before his passing, there was no sign,” she said.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are about 3,400 sudden unexpected infant deaths (SUID) in the United States annually.  SUID is an umbrella category that includes all sudden, unexpected infant deaths, those from known causes such as injury or accident, and those from unknown causes, such as SIDS, a type of SUID that occurs during sleep.

SIDS has no symptoms or warning signs.  Researchers believe it is associated with problems in the ability of the baby to arouse from sleep.

Rayni was by herself at the hospital and called her husband, who was working in the oilfield. “There are no words for what we went through,” she said. “I always wanted to be a mom, and having a child was the most special thing that has happened to me in my entire life. He was a happy baby, and we were blessed to have him.”

Her husband knew she needed him, so he put everything aside to be with her and get her out of the house. She found a small support group of parents who had lost children. They listened and shared their stories.

After a year and a half, they tried again. “Though we had lost a baby, we knew there was hope,” she said. The result was a chemical pregnancy, which is a miscarriage that occurs before the fifth week of pregnancy.

To cope with these losses, Rayni relied on anxiety meds and became addicted for a short time.  A trip to the coast was a turning point.  “I saw what this was doing to my husband,” she said. Rayni vowed never to take the meds again.

While they dealt with the drug situation, the hospital notified them that Rayni was undergoing an ectopic pregnancy, a pregnancy occurring outside of the uterus. If the pregnancy occurs in the fallopian tube and the tube breaks, it is life-threatening for the mother. Rayni was at risk and had to have one of her tubes removed.

“I am so glad we had each other,” she said. “Everything we went through brought us closer.” This closeness was especially important when Rayna became pregnant with Christian. “We were fearful that something would go wrong,” said Tommy, 46.

Though they were living in Kerrville, the Grays came to Methodist Hospital | Hill Country to have their child after having a successful pregnancy. The pregnancy was high-risk, and the mother and baby were closely monitored. On June 5, 2024, Christian was born. He was a perfectly healthy baby.

“The nurses at Methodist Hospital | Hill Country knew our story,” said Tommy. “They provided a lot of emotional support and made us feel very comfortable. They told us we could call the nurse’s station 24-7, or if we were worried about anything, we could pull up to the hospital, and a nurse would come out to us.”

“We have learned that we should love each other like there is no tomorrow,” said Tommy. “You can’t take life for granted. We wouldn’t be who we are today without having Jackson.”

Rayni’s sister is in a home-schooling group, and they brought a dogwood tree in remembrance of Jackson, along with a plaque dedicating it to him. The Grays are moving to Midland and will take the tree with them.